I am having trouble thinking deep and profound thoughts today, must be the food from panda express I had earlier. Too much philosophy, political or otherwise is never good for the soul and rational thoughts only carry you so far. Sometimes you just need to express your anger like a healthy human being. And hell all other pundits rant, why shouldn’t I? So I have decided to indulge myself and write a somewhat frivolous post. I am going to rant about people, places and behaviors that tick off yours truly. The central theme is how nothing is ever just perfect. As the title suggests, this is obviously tongue-in-cheek and intended as a poke at myself. The absurdity should be self-evident. However if you are the type of person who cannot recognize humor even if it hit you in the head wrapped around a brick, please read the disclaimer before you continue. Here goes:
- Sales reps in stores who consider service beneath them.
- Sales reps on the other end of the spectrum who dog my every step when I am in a store.
- Drivers who won’t give way when I tail them; it moves me to curse violently in my native tongue (Hindi).
- Drivers who tail me; you will have to ask them how they respond.
- Extra chatty customers and clerks in extra-long check-out lines.
- Grill cooks at work who hate making veggie burgers; maybe it insults their culinary skills.
- Sly kids on flights who are always kicking the back of my seat.
- Co-workers chatting away around the coffee station, blocking everybody else’s access to coffee. Hint: This is not your living room.
- My fellow Indians who do not know the concept of standing in line.
- Random people at work who want to join me for lunch; I try my hardest to look as unfriendly as possible and I still fail.
- Bartenders in crowded bars who will serve pretty girls and ignore me; how dare they!!
- People who do not understand my accent.
- People whose accents I do not understand.
- People who tell me I complain a lot.
- People who complain a lot.
- Hipsters at the bar with their noses glued to their smartphones.
- Bars that make me feel extremely unhip and uncool.
- Bars where Stella Artois is the only concession to European beer.
- Sandwiches with wrong filling/bread ratio.
- And lastly those who ruin my wife’s hair.
If you were offended or did not find any of this funny, feel free to unload your burden and vent using that wonderful idea of leaving a comment.
Note: The featured image is from xtwe.com.